Misplaced.

They say most people eventually reconcile with it.

They sit in wheelchairs and stare blankly at the floor. They sit in chairs and stare blankly as you walk passed. On occasion, some walk around the building and stare blankly at other inhabitants. And some just lie in bed, staring blankly at nothing in particular.

Within room 126, there is one such resident.  She’s talkative today, so I keep quiet.

“She used to have long, dark hair. She was pretty. They keep it short now. She weighs over 200 lbs,” the 50-something-year-old woman says, who will remain nameless.

Her opening story today was a new one and had no particular bearing on her current circumstances.

“I wanna go home,” she says. “It’s hard.”

In the four months since I discovered her lying in the cluttered and darkened room, she leaves only for an hour of physical therapy every day and an occasional walk. She has diabetes and is worried about her weight.

“They don’t give you different meals here,” she says. “I don’t eat the bread. If I did I’d weigh over 300 lbs. They give you sandwiches every night. I’ve never had so many sandwiches in my life.”

There was a time when she was too fat to clean herself, she explains.

“My mom had to wipe me when I took a bowel movement. It was embarrassing.”

On the three days a week she gets a shower, the nurses come in with her to help.

“I wanna go home,” she repeats for the third time. “They said it costs $5,000 to fix the house….”

I don’t have the heart to tell her she’ll never go home, so I keep quiet, and she continues on.

“I wish they had found me a day later,” she says. “I wish I’d die. I want to go to heaven. I wish I could go home, and after my mom died, they would find me in my chair dead.”

She starts to cry.

“I’m not supposed to be in a nursing home,” she says. “I’m not supposed to be in a nursing home….”

The story is not new to me. Throughout any local nursing home, they all have a similar story. Most have no one visit and none, they claim, are supposed to be in a nursing home.

The woman lying in room 126 will never leave the nursing home. She is schizophrenic, but you wouldn’t know unless told, and today was a good day.

             

My Knight.

Once upon a time there was a woman.

The woman was very beautiful.

She was like many others.

She lived in a dark, dangerous, and evil place.

The woman was very sad because so many things were not well.

She couldn't finish her chores, meet everyone's needs, and do what she wanted, for the people in the place where she lived we're unkind and took advantage of her.

The woman climbed the stairs to her room. She sat on her bed and soon began to cry.

***

It's a new year. 2010.

Fresh beginnings and new starts.

Every year, people across the world are making their New Year resolutions.

To lose weight. To go to church more. To do better in school….the list goes on and on and on.

I used to have a New Year resolution.

But they never worked. So I stopped. I realized something in the midst of not fulfilling my 2009 commitment.

I can't do anything without God. And He doesn't want me to.

Yes, I know, this is a simple theory. However, in my life, the simplest theories are so seldom put into practice.

I pray for people, my family, my classes, even my spiritual growth. I hardly ever pray for my resolution, which happens to be the same unfulfilled resolution every year.

Life, when you get right down to it, is simple.

God loves us. So very, very much. He wants to see us happy. He wants to see us make our New Year's resolutions.

Unfortunately, life is not only simple but also hard.

The world makes it hard to keep those New Year commitments. I can't (and haven't) succeed because I haven't asked God to help.

Such a simple concept.

When life gets tough and my 2010 commitment seems to fall apart, God can put it back together.

God is loving, forgiving, kind, gentle, good, and patient. He's been waiting on me to ask.

***

Somewhere down the stairs, the evil people who lived in the house began to make a commotion.

The woman was still upset, so she assumed it was the guest who just arrived.

The woman moved from the bed and walked over to her desk, where she kept her bible.

God had seemed so distant, she thought to herself as she flipped the pages. She opened to the Old Testament.


"...and call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me." Psalms 50:15



"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6



"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31



"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2


She moved to Jeremiah. Despite the comfort the verses gave her, she was still upset. She said a quick prayer and moved to Jeremiah 29:11.

The people downstairs clamored even louder. She wondered what was going on.

Someone knocked on the door.

"Ummm…yes"? She asked the man who stood at the door.

She hadn't seen him before. It was very quiet at the bottom of the stairs.

"I heard you were upset," the man replied. "I"m here to rescue you."

He seemed sweet, she thought to herself. For some reason she trusted him.

"What's your name and how did you know"? She asked.

"My name is Jesus, and I know all about you. I love you."

"Oh…," the woman said. "Thank you."

The man grabbed her hand, leading her down the stairs. The mean people had disappeared.

"You don't need to worry," he said, noticing her concern. "I'm with you. You'll be fine."

He walked down the walkway outside the house and helped her on to his white horse.

***

In 2010, I hope I can remember that Jesus is my knight in shinning armor. :)

2009.

A year of amazing opportunities.

A year of marvelous revelations.

A year of delightful new friends.

A year of light tribulation.

A year of wonderful career opportunities.

A year of exciting beginnings.

Out of all the things I will remember from 2009, it is all the career opportunities and experiences God has given me that I will remember most.

Never before have I seen the way God has blessed my life.

I was a reporter for The Alligator--something I've wanted to do since my first day at UF.

I was a reporter/intern for The North Florida Herald--a small-town newspaper that gave me the chance to grow as a writer.

I began working at Maupin House Publishing--a place that has began to show me the other side of writing.

Never before do I remember trying to make a conscious effort to put God first.

Although, I failed more times than not, I can only keep trying.

Never before have I seen the power God has to change things.

Through life. Through finances. Through classes. Through love.

Never before have I been so anxious for 2010.

A year to put things in practice--with God's convictions, with journalism, with me.

Never before have I seen how fast time goes and felt so bittersweet to say good-bye to 2009.

I hope I learn from my mistakes, and I hope I grow as a person.

But above all, I hope I remember God's blessings and to put him first in my year ahead.

No, dear brothers and sisters, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven.

Phil. 3:13-14

May that be my prayer and yours.

Thanksgiving.

"Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name." Psalms 100:4

"So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness." Colossians 2:6-7

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever." Psalms 118:1

"They had a few small fish as well; he gave thanks for them also and told the disciples to distribute them. " Mark 8:7

"For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened." Romans 1:21

"Always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. " Ephesians 5:20

***

I wish this Thanksgiving I could remember that while this is a special holiday--a time to be with friends and family and to be thankful for the things you have-- as Christians we should remember to give thanksgiving to God every day.

I love the holidays. It just feels different. It feels special. It's a time set aside for us to forget all the violence, anger, and hurt in the world. It's a time set aside to just remember the good things.

Unfortunately, we often get so wrapped up in the food, guests, and family we miss the point--to thank God for what we have.

Thanksgiving Day started over two centuries ago as a way to thank God, and too often we barely do that even during the holidays.

It's my challenge to you and myself that this holiday season we remember all the instances in the bible that tell us to thank God.

***

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. " Colossians 3:17

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. " 1 Thessalonians 5:18

"Save us, O Lord our God, and gather us from the nations, that we may give thanks to your holy name and glory in your praise." Psalms 106:47

"He who regards one day as special, does so to the Lord. He who eats meat, eats to the Lord, for he gives thanks to God; and he who abstains, does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God." Romans 14:6

"I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. " Ephesians 1:16

***

I hope this season, no matter what, I can be joyful and thankful.
I hope I remember the never-ending love and blessings God has given me.
I hope I am reminded of his forgiveness and promises.
I hope I never forget that he is with me at every step and in every moment.
I hope I always strive to know him, to grow in him, and to be like Him.
I hope I try to give thanks in all circumstances.
I hope you do, too.

You're beautiful.

"You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God."

1 Peter 3:4

I wake up and say: "OK, today I am really going to get my act together."

Every day I attempt to watch what I eat. To set myself on a diet.

I conform myself to what I think makes me beautiful.

I usually don't succeed in following my rigid and strict dietary standards.

Why do I do that? Why do we do that?

It's not a weird, female always-on-a-diet-to-look-good- thing . I honestly want to look good for myself. I want my body to look good for me and no one else. That's it.

We all do it. We all think we're not beautiful enough.

We all go to church and talk about how we should not conform to the world's standards. We should follow God and do His will.

Somehow we forget the same applies to our bodies and our beauty.

I am so incredibly guilty of making dieting and my body an idol. I've forgotten that my body is God's. He has created me this way for a reason. He has blessed me thousands more than I deserve.

My body will never look its best unless I give it to God. I will never succeed on any diet unless I believe that I am beautiful despite everything.

After years and years and years of struggling with my weight, I have finally learned that.

Unfortunately, now I have to apply what I've learned.

The world is too cruel. The world too easily tells us we can only be beautiful if we fit into a certain mold.

But that's not God's beauty. And as someone who has accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, I should always strive to do things as God sees them.

No matter what life tells you, remember this:

You were beautifully made. God has you inscribed in the palm of His hands. There's nothing greater and more powerful than God, and He thinks your gorgeous.

You are. Never ever forget how beautiful you are. No matter what.

The secret to looking good is knowing you're perfect and wonderful just the way you are.

Faith.

The old bridge didn't look safe.

The rickety, wooden panels lining the path looked ready to give in.

It taunted her. Its beaten-in panels staring back as if to dare her to risk walking across.

There was no way, she thought to herself. Nope. She could not cross that bridge. It would break through the minute she got to the middle.

She didn't remember it being that dilapidated. It hadn't been that long ago she crossed the bridge, or it seemed like it, she thought.

How times change, she said.

She could stay on this side. There's nothing particularly wrong with this side.

That's a pointless thought, she said. It's not like it's all flowers and sunshine over here, either.

A deep breath. One. Two. No, wait...

Just as she picked up her foot someone walked up to the other side. He motioned his had for her to come across.

"What are you going to do? Fly across and rescue me when the bridge falls though?" she said, rolling her eyes as she watched the man wait for her.

He was pointing down.

She bent over.

There was another layer under the wooden bridge. Metal bars, almost like railroad tracks, lined the underside.

So, it was safe, she said, surprised.

Well then, here goes.

She picked her foot up. One step. Two steps. Three steps…..

***

Sometimes, the road's scary.

Sometimes, it doesn't look safe to cross.

It can be long and rocky, too.

But if the old, rickety wooden panels break through in the middle, there's always someone on the other side to catch your hand just in time.

God's timing isn't ours. We can't see what he sees.

It makes us impatient. God wants us to trust that He can help us cross the bridge.

God is always there. He won't let you fall off.

"Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me." Psalm 138:7

Shine.

**All names and locations in the story have been changed**

“In a favorable time I have answered You,
And in a day of salvation I have helped You;
And I will keep You and give You for a covenant of the people.”
Isaiah 49:8

The white-washed walls seemed to scream out. The blue tile seemed covered in misery. The air seemed deathly sick.

Clinging to the walls, the nursing home inhabitants seemed locked in a prison. To most, they were.

Some starred into space. Some mumbled to themselves. Some drooled. And some smiled.

There is always something special about the ones that smile.

It took me a while to get used to walking down the halls at the nursing home. The stench hits you so suddenly you think you want to puke.

It’s not old people you smell. It’s old people without control over bodily functions. I learned that quickly after having to wait for diapers to be changed before entering rooms.

At first, I held my breath and kept my head down. Luckily, now I don’t really notice. And the old, creepy-looking people hovering in their wheelchairs next to the walls are simply people.

***

There was a woman in room 100A. Mrs. Smith. Her roommate, the one I came to see, called her Mama—just because it sounded good.

Mrs. Smith didn’t speak. She had to be fed her food. Sometimes, she would yell when they changed her diaper. Her roommate said they didn’t always treat her that great.

They never treat anyone that great.

Mrs. Smith, though, even lost in her own mind always seemed to be smiling. Almost always. Despite having never spoken to her or knowing anything about her, there was one thing I did know about her.

Mrs. Smith was a Christian. There’s no doubt in my mind. And the more I thought about it, the more I noticed she seemed to act like she was at a church service.

That’s why I was happy when I came in to room 100 two weeks ago to find another woman in Mrs. Smith’s bed.

I want people to notice I am a Christian without me ever speaking to them. Just like with Mrs. Smith.

I want people to look at me and know that they know that they know that I am a Christian. That I love and believe in Jesus Christ with all my mind, body, and soul.

I’ll never know what type of life Mrs. Smith had. But I know I want people to see me like I saw her.

If God can use me as a way to reach others just me having a joyful, Christ-like glow, I would be so very, very lucky.

Somewhere in heaven right now, Mrs. Smith is singing with angels. She liked to sing. All her suffering lying in room 100 is gone.

I am so very happy for you Mrs. Smith.