2009.

A year of amazing opportunities.

A year of marvelous revelations.

A year of delightful new friends.

A year of light tribulation.

A year of wonderful career opportunities.

A year of exciting beginnings.

Out of all the things I will remember from 2009, it is all the career opportunities and experiences God has given me that I will remember most.

Never before have I seen the way God has blessed my life.

I was a reporter for The Alligator--something I've wanted to do since my first day at UF.

I was a reporter/intern for The North Florida Herald--a small-town newspaper that gave me the chance to grow as a writer.

I began working at Maupin House Publishing--a place that has began to show me the other side of writing.

Never before do I remember trying to make a conscious effort to put God first.

Although, I failed more times than not, I can only keep trying.

Never before have I seen the power God has to change things.

Through life. Through finances. Through classes. Through love.

Never before have I been so anxious for 2010.

A year to put things in practice--with God's convictions, with journalism, with me.

Never before have I seen how fast time goes and felt so bittersweet to say good-bye to 2009.

I hope I learn from my mistakes, and I hope I grow as a person.

But above all, I hope I remember God's blessings and to put him first in my year ahead.

No, dear brothers and sisters, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven.

Phil. 3:13-14

May that be my prayer and yours.

Thanksgiving.

"Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name." Psalms 100:4

"So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness." Colossians 2:6-7

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever." Psalms 118:1

"They had a few small fish as well; he gave thanks for them also and told the disciples to distribute them. " Mark 8:7

"For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened." Romans 1:21

"Always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. " Ephesians 5:20

***

I wish this Thanksgiving I could remember that while this is a special holiday--a time to be with friends and family and to be thankful for the things you have-- as Christians we should remember to give thanksgiving to God every day.

I love the holidays. It just feels different. It feels special. It's a time set aside for us to forget all the violence, anger, and hurt in the world. It's a time set aside to just remember the good things.

Unfortunately, we often get so wrapped up in the food, guests, and family we miss the point--to thank God for what we have.

Thanksgiving Day started over two centuries ago as a way to thank God, and too often we barely do that even during the holidays.

It's my challenge to you and myself that this holiday season we remember all the instances in the bible that tell us to thank God.

***

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. " Colossians 3:17

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. " 1 Thessalonians 5:18

"Save us, O Lord our God, and gather us from the nations, that we may give thanks to your holy name and glory in your praise." Psalms 106:47

"He who regards one day as special, does so to the Lord. He who eats meat, eats to the Lord, for he gives thanks to God; and he who abstains, does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God." Romans 14:6

"I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. " Ephesians 1:16

***

I hope this season, no matter what, I can be joyful and thankful.
I hope I remember the never-ending love and blessings God has given me.
I hope I am reminded of his forgiveness and promises.
I hope I never forget that he is with me at every step and in every moment.
I hope I always strive to know him, to grow in him, and to be like Him.
I hope I try to give thanks in all circumstances.
I hope you do, too.

You're beautiful.

"You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God."

1 Peter 3:4

I wake up and say: "OK, today I am really going to get my act together."

Every day I attempt to watch what I eat. To set myself on a diet.

I conform myself to what I think makes me beautiful.

I usually don't succeed in following my rigid and strict dietary standards.

Why do I do that? Why do we do that?

It's not a weird, female always-on-a-diet-to-look-good- thing . I honestly want to look good for myself. I want my body to look good for me and no one else. That's it.

We all do it. We all think we're not beautiful enough.

We all go to church and talk about how we should not conform to the world's standards. We should follow God and do His will.

Somehow we forget the same applies to our bodies and our beauty.

I am so incredibly guilty of making dieting and my body an idol. I've forgotten that my body is God's. He has created me this way for a reason. He has blessed me thousands more than I deserve.

My body will never look its best unless I give it to God. I will never succeed on any diet unless I believe that I am beautiful despite everything.

After years and years and years of struggling with my weight, I have finally learned that.

Unfortunately, now I have to apply what I've learned.

The world is too cruel. The world too easily tells us we can only be beautiful if we fit into a certain mold.

But that's not God's beauty. And as someone who has accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, I should always strive to do things as God sees them.

No matter what life tells you, remember this:

You were beautifully made. God has you inscribed in the palm of His hands. There's nothing greater and more powerful than God, and He thinks your gorgeous.

You are. Never ever forget how beautiful you are. No matter what.

The secret to looking good is knowing you're perfect and wonderful just the way you are.

Faith.

The old bridge didn't look safe.

The rickety, wooden panels lining the path looked ready to give in.

It taunted her. Its beaten-in panels staring back as if to dare her to risk walking across.

There was no way, she thought to herself. Nope. She could not cross that bridge. It would break through the minute she got to the middle.

She didn't remember it being that dilapidated. It hadn't been that long ago she crossed the bridge, or it seemed like it, she thought.

How times change, she said.

She could stay on this side. There's nothing particularly wrong with this side.

That's a pointless thought, she said. It's not like it's all flowers and sunshine over here, either.

A deep breath. One. Two. No, wait...

Just as she picked up her foot someone walked up to the other side. He motioned his had for her to come across.

"What are you going to do? Fly across and rescue me when the bridge falls though?" she said, rolling her eyes as she watched the man wait for her.

He was pointing down.

She bent over.

There was another layer under the wooden bridge. Metal bars, almost like railroad tracks, lined the underside.

So, it was safe, she said, surprised.

Well then, here goes.

She picked her foot up. One step. Two steps. Three steps…..

***

Sometimes, the road's scary.

Sometimes, it doesn't look safe to cross.

It can be long and rocky, too.

But if the old, rickety wooden panels break through in the middle, there's always someone on the other side to catch your hand just in time.

God's timing isn't ours. We can't see what he sees.

It makes us impatient. God wants us to trust that He can help us cross the bridge.

God is always there. He won't let you fall off.

"Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me." Psalm 138:7

Shine.

**All names and locations in the story have been changed**

“In a favorable time I have answered You,
And in a day of salvation I have helped You;
And I will keep You and give You for a covenant of the people.”
Isaiah 49:8

The white-washed walls seemed to scream out. The blue tile seemed covered in misery. The air seemed deathly sick.

Clinging to the walls, the nursing home inhabitants seemed locked in a prison. To most, they were.

Some starred into space. Some mumbled to themselves. Some drooled. And some smiled.

There is always something special about the ones that smile.

It took me a while to get used to walking down the halls at the nursing home. The stench hits you so suddenly you think you want to puke.

It’s not old people you smell. It’s old people without control over bodily functions. I learned that quickly after having to wait for diapers to be changed before entering rooms.

At first, I held my breath and kept my head down. Luckily, now I don’t really notice. And the old, creepy-looking people hovering in their wheelchairs next to the walls are simply people.

***

There was a woman in room 100A. Mrs. Smith. Her roommate, the one I came to see, called her Mama—just because it sounded good.

Mrs. Smith didn’t speak. She had to be fed her food. Sometimes, she would yell when they changed her diaper. Her roommate said they didn’t always treat her that great.

They never treat anyone that great.

Mrs. Smith, though, even lost in her own mind always seemed to be smiling. Almost always. Despite having never spoken to her or knowing anything about her, there was one thing I did know about her.

Mrs. Smith was a Christian. There’s no doubt in my mind. And the more I thought about it, the more I noticed she seemed to act like she was at a church service.

That’s why I was happy when I came in to room 100 two weeks ago to find another woman in Mrs. Smith’s bed.

I want people to notice I am a Christian without me ever speaking to them. Just like with Mrs. Smith.

I want people to look at me and know that they know that they know that I am a Christian. That I love and believe in Jesus Christ with all my mind, body, and soul.

I’ll never know what type of life Mrs. Smith had. But I know I want people to see me like I saw her.

If God can use me as a way to reach others just me having a joyful, Christ-like glow, I would be so very, very lucky.

Somewhere in heaven right now, Mrs. Smith is singing with angels. She liked to sing. All her suffering lying in room 100 is gone.

I am so very happy for you Mrs. Smith.

Love Transcends.

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." John 15:12

The busy halls had quieted down by the time she set the baby back into the incubator and made her way out of the Shands NICU.

She took the shuttle bus back to the House and smiled at me as she walked through the front door.

"Hey! How are you?" I asked.

"Tired," replied the 60-something woman as she signed back in on the Ronald McDonald House sign-in sheet.

I checked the sign-in sheet. 8:45 a.m. That's when she left for Shands. The clock now read 8:40 p.m.

For almost 12 hours that woman held her grandson on her chest--near her heart. In the 12 hours she left twice. Once to use the bathroom and then to eat lunch.

"Because I have to because I am diabetic," she added, the sad look in her eyes clearly revealing she would rather skip lunch.

Every day she does that. Sunday to Sunday. She holds that sweet little baby and prays he gets better. She loves him back to health.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," she told me. "I know I'm biased, but I think he really is the cutest baby in the world."

"He's precious," I replied, smiling as the sweet grandmother pulled out a picture of him.

Then, she wearily walked into the kitchen. Dinner was cold. There wasn't much left. But she sat down and ate it. More out of exhaustion I think.

***

That's love. That's what love is. Love is holding somebody until they're all better.

We get so wrapped up in what we need to do, what we want, and what we need to do to look like the good Christian.

But that doesn’t matter. God calls us to Love. It's that easy. Or maybe that hard.

Look at how much He loves us. He send His SON to be nailed to a cross so we could have a wonderful life. That's how much God loves every single person in the world. Enough to let His son die.

If we could all just love every one we met like that grandma at the Ronald McDonald House loved on her grandson, think of the people we could help.

Sometimes it's hard. But it's always worth it.

I wish I could hold the whole world long enough for them to get all better. I wish I could hold them close enough that they could feel God's love.

I can't hold the whole world. But I can try to.

Remember

Faith and love aren't always easy. In fact, more times than not, there difficult.

It can be really sucky trying to listen to God, to be content with where he has you, and to be patient for what you desire.

It's that simple. It just sucks sometimes.

But you and I are incredibly blessed. We have wonderful things in our life. Things that give us lots of joy. Things that give us much pleasure.

I know I have struggled to settle down, wait on God, and be content with where he has me and with the wonderful blessings I have. So in case you happen to be struggling to, I hope this calms you as much as it did me.

"My heart is steadfast, O God;
I will sing, I will sing praises, even with my soul.
Awake, harp and lyre!
I will awaken the dawn!
I will give thanks to you, O Lord, among the peoples,
And I will sing praises to You among the nations.
For Your lovingkindness is great above the heavens,
And Your truth reaches to the skies.
Be exalted, O God, about the heavens,
And Your glory above all the earth. "

Psalms 108: 1-5

…….

"Can a woman forget her nursing child
and have no compassion on the son of her womb?
Even these may forget, but I will not forget you.
Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands;
Your walls are continually before me."

Isaiah 49:15-16


God is always there. Even you when you don't know it. Remember that.

Up on the Mountains.

The mountains are beautiful.I'm always at peace with God when I'm at the top of a mountain.

Life's easy there. It's where we are closest to God.

But we can't stay there forever. As much as I would love to live on the top of a mountain, God doesn't want me there.

"Those moments are only to serve as inspiration.... We were made in the valley and that is were we have to prove our stamina and strength," Oswald Chambers explains in his devotional book "My Utmost for His Highest."

I honestly wasn't expecting to get that much out of the Oct. 1 entry in his book, which I pulled off the self by chance.

The moments on the mountain are meant to inspire us and help us see things from God's perspective, so we can reach those who don't know Christ, Chambers says.

We think we need to be THAT close to God all the time. We think we need to live like angels. God calls us to come down from the mountain and help His people. We're humans for a reason.

Don’t get me wrong. I'm not bashing being on the mountaintops. I love them.

As Chambers goes on to explain, those times on the mountain with God are extraordinary and serve a wonderful purpose in our time with God, but it would be selfish of us to stay up there with God when there are hundreds of thousands of people down in the valley who need us.

This was an awakening for me. I get so consumed with making sure I'm close to God and completely in tune with Him, I forget the whole point--to climb back down the mountain and show others how to climb up.

What would happen if we all remembered to be rock climbers?

Walking in the Rain

“But as for me, my feet came close to stumbling, My steps almost slipped.” Psalms 73:2

It was raining when I woke up the other morning. Not a heavy rain, just a light rain. The kind that makes you want to scoot further under the covers.

The sounds are pleasant. The effects aren’t always.

I can never walk in the rain. I always end up in flip flops, and always almost fall. I have to walk slowly across the brick sidewalks on the UF campus. The slippery roads and crowds nearly cause my embarrassment along Turlington Plaza.

Those types of rains aren’t so bad though. It’s the really heavy down pours that are bad. The ones that rain like cats and dogs.

Life’s like that rain.

I get going real good. I made a few good decisions and listened to God. God sure can be good. Just dropping blessings down from heaven like the rain falling that morning. It covered just about everything.

But then I’ve got to go messing it up.

I wish, just once, I could listen to the rain and not worry about falling or my hair. I wish just once I could listen to the rain and think, “Thank you God for watering the earth.”

How come every time God does something amazing I want to know what I can do next to make my life better? How come I can’t think, “What can I do to thank you God”?

I try. I try to be as content with what I have. I try to do my very best to serve God through everything. But no matter how hard I try, I’m going to either fall or almost fall in the rain at least once.

I reckon the only thing I can do is press my toes to my flip flops real hard and walk as carefully as I can through the rain and keep trying not to fall.

I never fall when I’m with someone, though. I hold on to them down the slippery roads. I guess no one falls if they’ve got something to hold on to.

I guess I should hold God’s hand.

It’s a good thing God loves me a whole bunch. I mean, to keep picking me up every time and let me hold His hand so tight, He must.

“Nevertheless, I am continually with you; You have taken hold of my right hand.” Psalms 73:23

Ever faithful.

These are the times that try men's souls.

The words uttered by Thomas Paine in the late 18th century are good in any context--not just a Revolutionary War. In a world marred by pain, strife, anger, and grief, times can in deed be trying.

***

It's dark. The trees whisper as you walk by. Something stirs near the ground. The chilly night air runs past as you stare up into what seems a dark abyss. You imagine you next steps down a long, wide, rocky, dirt road. Slowly, you pick up your feet. One. Two. Three. Four. Five….

You're making good progress--about 20 feet. It gets easier. Your eyes start to adjust. The trees you recognize as just that--oak trees. The night air feels good as you pick up your pace down the road.

It's a wide road. You wander from side to side. You're still not ready to peer into the forest, just to the edge. Straight ahead. Into the deep, never ending abyss.

As you walk merrily down the path--darkness and all--you trip over a rock. The fall sprains your ankle.

"Help! Help!" you scream into the night, clenching your hands to your ankle, trying to push back the pain pulsing through your leg.

The crickets only respond. You try to pick yourself up and limp down the road. But the weight is too much to bear, and you collapse to the ground.

It starts to get darker again. The trees whisper even louder. The forest seems to get closer, and the road smaller.

With tear-stained cheeks you wonder. When? When does the darkness end? When will you know you long your stuck?

When. An ever-pressing question. The hours roll on, your tears get harder. Then softer. Then harder.

Something stirs in the forest. It's a man….you think. He calls to you.

"Are you ok?"

"I hurt my ankle," you say hesitantly, pushing yourself away from him as he kneels down to you.

"Why are you walking down this dark road alone at night?"

"There was no one else who could come with me, and I had to go down the road to get home."

"You're never have to walk alone," the mysterious man replies. He then pulls out a flashlight, and you see the path's end just about 10 feet away. He picks you up, and with big, strong, sturdy arms, carries you safely to the end.

Putting you down just past the road, he leans down, and looks at your ankle.

***

Jesus did that. Just when we were lost, broken, and had given up hope, he picked us up and showed the way.

That's why I love Him. That's why I'm a Christian. Because when I'm weak, when I think I'll never get help, when I think I'll never find my answer, he shows up. Right when I need Him.

Just because, despite everything and everyone, He loves me.

And you, too.


"Cast your cares upon the Lord, and He will sustain you. He will never let the righteous fall." Psalm 55:22

Practice.

Let love be without hypocrisy.

Abhor what is evil.

Cling to what is good.

Be devoted to each other in brotherly love.

Give preference to one another in honor.

Bless those who persecute you.

Never take your own revenge.

Never pay back evil for evil.

Be overcome with good.

Accept the one weak in faith.

Don't judge him.

Observe the day for the Lord.

Thank Him for it.

Do this, knowing the time, that it is already the hour for you to awaken from sleep; for now salvation is nearer to us than we believed.

Not one of us lives for himself, and not one dies for himself. For if we live, we live for the Lord.

Romans 12-14.

Do that. Practice that. Let's see what a difference we can make if we do.

Roads.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

This verse holds an amazing promise.

It's comforting to read. It's challenging, but a worthy challenge.

For the past few weeks I have been struggling with a decision. I am torn. I'm torn, and I can't decide what God wants me to do.

I find my options endless. The roads I can take in life seem to multiply by the days. All promising fields. All providing wonderful ways to serve my Lord and Savior. The worst part? I like them all.

I love this verse because it promises that I don't have to get it right. That God knows what He's going to do with me, and that's what will happen.

But what happens between now and then? I'm pretty sure God wants me to be patient and wait for him.

But despite my impatience, I really have no room to complain. I say this a lot, but look at what God's doing!

As much as I sit here, typing away complaining about this, God will still see me through. I just need to sit tight.

You know I think that's hard for everybody to do. It's hard for people to wait. We have so many choices in our lives, so many struggles.

No matter how ridiculous something might seem, there's no insignificant fear or worry. I have often felt like it's silly for me to worry about some things, and I know others would agree with me. But everyone is made differently. Everyone has different struggles and fears and worries. And the beauty of it all is that God loves that about you and me. And we should do our best to take those worries and offer them to God.

I don't know, maybe you don't struggle with this like I do. But every time I read that verse, I know all the decisions I am having to make right now will be answered in due time.

That makes me feel so much better.

Listen.

"So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" -Matthew 6:34

It's all over.

Carved between the Smoky Mountains, up in a high, 4-story cabin, my wonderful, blessed summer came to a close.

This summer was BUSY. But I loved it.

From high school graduations and beach and mountain vacations to a jobs and internships, I had an incredible summer.

It's weird to look back at something, with it seeming so far away, and see how much God really did bless you.

This summer I had an AMAZING internship with The North Florida Herald, that I will miss very much. I was on staff at the Alligator. I have accomplished TONS with the piano. I have had awesome opportunities at work. And I've finally started to do things I have been waiting a long time to do.

God's given me all of that! As much as I worry about things--about what I am going to do, what comes next--God has figured it all out for me.

However, despite all of these opportunities, I didn't learn the most from any of them. This summer I have really gotten closer to God.

I've always struggled with trusting God and with listening to Him--something I think everybody struggles with. I mean, sure, you say a quick prayer, something like:

Dear God,

I am really having a hard time deciding whether to stay on staff at the Alligator this fall or just freelance and focus on classes. Help me decide, Lord. Show me what I should do.

Amen.

It's like that. We say we put our trust in God, but then we really just end up trying to work it out and adjust it in our heads.

I really agonized a lot in the last few weeks about whether to stay on staff at the Alligator in the fall or not. I was completely torn between two different things that can take me in very different directions. I fought so much about this. And I finally had to give my problems to God.

Peace is the sacrifice of trust. That's something God showed me this week and throughout the summer. In order for my life to be the best in can be and glorify God in the fullest, I have to put my faith in Him.

Not only that, but when you listen to what God tells you, He rewards you. He blesses your life.

Those are the two biggest things God has been showing me this summer.

And this past week, while on vacation in Pigeon Forge, I haven't felt such a closeness with God in a very long time. I got the chance to spend time with Him and read His word more than I have all summer. And I can tell an amazing difference in my life.

That's what being SOOOOO busy kept me from. From being closer to God.

So, with all this said, what if this fall semester I did my best to listen to God, to trust Him, to not worry about having everything planned out? What if I just walk with enough light for my next step? What if I let God guide me through the darkness instead of trying to turn the light on myself?

That's what God has been convicting me to do this summer.

I want to know what can happen and how I can glorify Jesus Christ if I do that.
So, I'm going to try to find out.

"Set your mind on things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God" -Colossians 3:2-3

Thank you.

"But a time is coming, and has come, when you will be scattered, each to his own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me. I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. " -John 16: 32-33

That's refreshing.

In a world of turmoil, emotions, and fear, that's refreshing.

Everyone has those dark, depressing, scary moments. The ones when you just get in bed at night, close your eyes and say, "God, please."

It echo's whatever is on your heart. Whatever you're struggling with. Whatever you're hurting for. Whatever you're pain.

But God gives us the chance to get in bed at night, close our eyes and say, "God, please," and then feel the effects of his love and peace washing over us.

Because just like it Jesus says in John 16, "I am not alone, for my father is with me." We can worry all we want to, but God has everything exactly like it's supposed to be .

You know, I've been reading a lot this week about sacrificing yourself to God, submitting to His will and making sure He is the center of what you do.

And after reading those words above, and knowing that Jesus gave up his life so we won't have it so bad down here on earth, I want to do everything in my power to be as much like Him as I possibly can. I want to be as close to him as possible.

Because God said, "here Jessica, I know you've messed up--you definitely have your faults--but that's ok, because I love you and no matter what you do, you are NEVER alone. I'm always here."

That's amazing. And just as quickly as I type these words, I'm going to mess up again. And He'll forgive me again. That's something I don't deserve.

But I have it.

SO, THANK YOU, GOD! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

Next time you’re feeling alone or upset, think about the fact that Jesus is always there to hold your hand, and say, "Come here. You're going to be just fine. Because I have amazing things for you, so don't you worry. It might be tough now, but it won't last. I promise. I'll never leave you."

That's refreshing.

Difficulty.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Those are easy words to say. They're easy to quote. Easy memorize. Easy to pray.

Dear God,

Thank you so much for all you've given me! You have blessed me so much, and I don't deserve it. Lord, what if I don't ________? Please help me through this. Please let me be able to_____________ and to one day ___________.

Please continue to work in my life and in the lives of those around me.

In Your name,
Amen.

That's usually how it works, isn't it? You say a prayer like that. Occasionally. If you remember. That's how it works for me.

If only it were really easy. As easy as saying it's easy is. If only it were really easy to either not worry or ask God for help. Sometimes, I have to almost force the words out. Sometimes I can't.

What is worry, anyway? I think it's fear. Fear of what will happen. Fear of won't happen. But most of all, I think it's fear that what you want might not be what God has planned for you're life. What if you pray as hard as you possibly can, but God says, "I'm sorry, this isn't what I want for you."

Sure, what God wants is always better. I know. But sometimes you want something so bad you can taste it. You can feel it. You can't imagine what would happen if it didn't happen.

And you know what bothers me even more? I have no right to ask God for that, too!! I ask God for help and guidance for a lot, and he answers EVERY time, so why, if I have everything I need and am fairly successful so far, should I ask for more?

What is it about human nature? Why can't I be happy with what I have and what God has blessed me with? Why must I continually say, "God I know you've done a lot--I mean really put in overtime for me--but could you please do this too? Great. Thanks. I'll have it in about 4 weeks, right?"

Why? Why? Why?

So, God, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't just be OK with not having it. I'm sorry I can't just be thankful for what you've given me. I'm sorry I can't let go of it. I'm just sorry.

I would want so bad to say, "God, I turn my life completely over to you. If you want to never _______________ or ____________, then I know my life will be even better. What ever you will is, I want."

I want to say that. I want to offer my self up to God. I say I do a lot, but every time my selfish human desires get in the way.

So, instead, this is what I think I need to pray:

God,

I love you. You are amazing and way beyond what I deserve. I'm so sorry I'm weak. You know my heart, Lord. You know my needs. My wants. And I know whatever you have planned will work out just right. It'll be even better than I can imagine it. Lord, please help me to understand everything has it's own time. Help me to know you're blessing other areas in my life right now. And the truth is, I get far more rewards from those things than I would from the things you know my heart is longing for.

Please, Lord, take this burden from me. Help me live my life for you and you only. Help me follow you to the very best of my abilities. Take my life, Lord. Take it and use it. Take control before I get in the way again.

I love you,
In Your name,
Amen.

That's what I should pray. The hard part is tomorrow...

Amazing.

Note: I've changed my mind….no more links to stories, just blogging

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing ….

Some time this week, between the Alligator, the Herald, and work, I realized something. I mean, I've always known it, but it really hit me this week.

I am amazingly and undeniably blessed.

I have a job--two actually.
I am getting experience as a journalist--with both The Alligator and The Herald
I am getting experience as an editor--at work
I am doing pretty decent at the previous two things.
I have a family that loves me.
I have a wonderful church where I can worship God.
I get to be around kids.
And I have a wonderful, amazing, loving God that I can turn to and ask for help, and whether I deserve it or not, he will.

It's funny how you can keep waiting for God to answer something and just keep getting frustrated, without ever feeling like He's listening. And then one day…..everything works out. I don't mean there's an easy fix--that never happens--I just mean, things fall in to place. I get the answers to my questions.

But after all of the things God does for me, there's still nothing I can do for him that would thank Him enough. Because despite how much I love God and how much I want to be like Him, I still sin all the time.

So, I try to do the only thing I know to do…..

"Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living an holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of Worship," Romans 12:1.

The only thing I figure I can do is to pray hard and try to follow God's word the best of my abilities.


Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, O Lord--Psalm 89: 15

Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in his ways--Psalm 128:1

Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway--Proverbs 8:34

July 4th/Habitat for Humanity/magazine award

On holiday weekend, thousands flock to area springs to cool off
By Jessica Chapman
For The Herald
Thursday, July 9, 2009

As High Springs, Fort White and other surrounding areas clamored to find fireworks to celebrate American Independence, thousands of people flocked to the local springs.

But on average, the thousands of people filling the parks almost to capacity was a typical Saturday for some springs.

But Blue Springs and Ichetucknee Springs experienced larger crowds than normal.

Ichetucknee Springs Assistant Manager Patty Martin said unlike on 3-day weekends when the middle day is the busiest, Friday was the park’s busiest day, maxing out at the north entrance by 9:30 a.m. and drawing around 4,000 people throughout the day.

Saturday drew about 3,500 people, she said.

“We’ve never seen anything like it,” Martin said. “It’s usually the middle day (that’s the busiest).”

While people usually think the July 4 weekend will be the busiest weekend at the springs, Martin said the following weekend usually draws the most crowds because everyone waits to come, attempting to avoid the large crowds.

Blue Springs drew close to 1,400 people on July 4, about 450 up from the previous Saturday, General Manager and Owner Kim Davis said.

For full story visit: http://www.highspringsherald.com/articles/2009/07/09/news/news07.txt


Habitat for Humanity to change lives, built three homes in area
By Jessica Chapman
For The Herald
Thursday, July 9, 2009

Ripping her letter open three years ago, Brenda Wesley began to cry, not knowing whether to cry or laugh.

Soon, she would get her first home.

Wesley and two other families will get homes in High Springs, thanks to Habitat for Humanity.

Alachua Habitat for Humanity will build three homes in High Springs in the Douglas Village area and tentatively plans to start building in the fall, said Peg Iwata, resource development coordinator for the Alachua Habitat for Humanity.

Habitat for Humanity, which builds homes for those living in inadequate housing, aims to eliminate poverty housing and homelessness. The organization will build houses through all of Alachua County.

High Springs was chosen when Habitat found available land in the area.

Habitat will begin building homes as soon as it has raised the money needed for the first home to be built, Wesley’s future home. The house will cost about $75,000.

Habitat doesn’t begin building a home until the money needed is raised to ensure that the family will get a home.

“We don’t want to build half a home and then have to stop because we don’t have the funds,” Iwata said. “We don’t want to get their (the family moving into the house) hopes up and then not be able to finish.”

Iwata said Habitat is asking local churches to help raise half of the money needed, about $35,000. They will be relying on local High Springs businesses to help provide the remainder of the funds.

“This is something fun for the people (in High Springs) to do,” Iwata said. “The community in High Springs is fun anyway, but this is an opportunity where we all can use ours gifts or talent. It’s a way to strengthen the community and each other.”

For full story visit: http://www.highspringsherald.com/articles/2009/07/09/news/news11.txt



The Fine Print earns top award
By Jessica Chapman, Alligator Writer
Thursday, July 9, 2009

The Fine Print, a progressive magazine designed for UF students, was deemed Best New Publication of the Year by Campus Progress Wednesday at a conference in Washington, D.C.

Speakers included former president Bill Clinton, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, “The Daily Show” writer and correspondent John Oliver and White House green jobs adviser Van Jones.

“This award is just complete validation for what we’ve been doing,” said Jessica Newman, co-editor of the magazine and UF journalism senior. “It’s quite a shock. It’s been really inspirational.”

Along with co-editor Lydia Fiser, Newman decided to start The Fine Print to use as a sounding board for students to express their thoughts and “build a unified force,” she said.

The magazine covers politics, art, music and topics relevant to UF and the Gainesville community, Newman said.

“They always struggled to connect the two spheres,” she said, referring to the magazines goals to connect the Gainesville and UF communities. “Gainesville has so much to offer.”

For full story visit: http://www.alligator.org/articles/2009/07/09/news/local/090709_award.txt

Mosquitoes/UF College of Medicine/SFC

Note: After considerable thought to how I use this blog, I thought it would be a good resource to use for professional development--as in, post my published articles here at the end of every week.

Buzz. Slap. Ouch. Itch. Mosquitoes are back in area
By Jessica Chapman
For The North Florida Herald, Thursday July 2, 2009

It’s that time of year again. Mosquitoes are here.And as the summer lingers on, the pesky mosquitoes latching onto arms and legs will only get worse.


Until about October, the 80 different species of mosquitoes will continue to be a problem, with numbers increasing as the rain does.


The recent rains have unleashed flood water mosquitoes, a species of mosquitoes that breed in places like moist soil and wait to hatch until the rainy season, such as the summer, comes along.


Permanent water mosquitoes are a continuing problem, too. These mosquitoes, which can be found near standing water such as ponds and swamp marshes, die if the water dries up, similar to a plant thriving on water.


But while the number of mosquitoes increases, only about three or four species of mosquitoes carry the three most common diseases in Florida -- West Nile virus, eastern equine encephalitis (EEE) and St. Louis encephalitis, said Roxanne Connelly, professor and Extension Office medical entomology specialist for the University of Florida.


Usually the West Nile virus and St. Louis encephalitis do not become a problem until late August, while EEE, which has a human fatality rate of 35 percent and an 80 percent fatality rate in horses, affects mostly horses and rarely humans, Connelly said.

“EEE isn’t something you want to mess with,” she said, referring to the fact that humans can contract the disease. “It’s usually fatal, and if you survive, you’ll have neurological damage.”


The West Nile virus results in severe illness for one in 150 people infected, and one in five people infected will show no symptoms at all, according to a mosquito-borne virus presentation provided by Bradford County Extension Agent Jim DeValerio.


St. Louis encephalitis has a 3-percent to 30-percent fatality rate.

To view entire article, click here.


College of Medicine's F removed from scorecard
By JESSICA CHAPMAN, Alligator Contributing Writer, Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The failing grade UF’s College of Medicine received on a recent American Medical Student Association PharmFree Scorecard is being changed to “in progress.”


The 2009 Scorecard, conducted by the American Medical Student Association, along with The Pew Prescription Project, based the industry and school relationship grades on how well students and faculty are shielded from free samples, money and educational incentives offered by pharmaceutical companies.


The college failed for not providing information to the 2009 AMSA PharmFree Scorecard and declining to participate in the 2008 Scorecard, while both Florida State University and the University of Miami received Bs.

But Timothy Flynn, senior associate dean of clinical affairs for the College of Medicine, said he was never informed about the request for the college’s conflict of interest policy.


“Had they told us, we would have been happy to send it in,” Flynn said. “We have nothing to hide.”


Flynn said the college recently revised its original Industry Conflicts of Interest Policy, which was created in 1995, customizing it more to UF.


“[AMSA] is the least knowledgeable [in conflicts of interest policies],” Flynn said, referring to the fact that AMSA is an organization made up of medical students. “[No offense to them, but] they’re not even in the profession yet. We’re doing this because we feel it’s the right thing to do, not because of them.”


To view the entire article, click here


SFC student wins $5k to study Chinese
By JESSICA CHAPMAN, Alligator Contributing Writer, Thursday, July 2, 2009

Danielle Rossi doesn’t find Chinese as difficult as she thought she would, partly because she loves China.

Rossi, an international economics major at Santa Fe College, is the first Santa Fe student to receive the Benjamin A. Gilman International Scholarship, which was designed for students wanting to study abroad in a non-European country and learn a non-traditional language.

She will use the $5, 000 she was awarded to study Chinese at Jilin University in Changchun in northeastern China from Sept. 1 through April 15.

“I’ve always dreamed of studying internationally,” Rossi said. “(The Gilman scholarship) really gives community college students a chance to compete. They’re great for that.”

Rossi, who plans to go into international law or the U.S. Foreign Service, said after taking economics classes and realizing China’s importance in world affairs, learning Chinese seemed like good preparation for the future.

“We are such strong partners,” she said. “Economically, we are linked at the hip.”

Rossi said although she is excited, she’s worried about communicating and adjusting to life in China.

“It will really be the Chinese culture,” she said. “It’s not Americanized.”