Difficulty.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Those are easy words to say. They're easy to quote. Easy memorize. Easy to pray.

Dear God,

Thank you so much for all you've given me! You have blessed me so much, and I don't deserve it. Lord, what if I don't ________? Please help me through this. Please let me be able to_____________ and to one day ___________.

Please continue to work in my life and in the lives of those around me.

In Your name,
Amen.

That's usually how it works, isn't it? You say a prayer like that. Occasionally. If you remember. That's how it works for me.

If only it were really easy. As easy as saying it's easy is. If only it were really easy to either not worry or ask God for help. Sometimes, I have to almost force the words out. Sometimes I can't.

What is worry, anyway? I think it's fear. Fear of what will happen. Fear of won't happen. But most of all, I think it's fear that what you want might not be what God has planned for you're life. What if you pray as hard as you possibly can, but God says, "I'm sorry, this isn't what I want for you."

Sure, what God wants is always better. I know. But sometimes you want something so bad you can taste it. You can feel it. You can't imagine what would happen if it didn't happen.

And you know what bothers me even more? I have no right to ask God for that, too!! I ask God for help and guidance for a lot, and he answers EVERY time, so why, if I have everything I need and am fairly successful so far, should I ask for more?

What is it about human nature? Why can't I be happy with what I have and what God has blessed me with? Why must I continually say, "God I know you've done a lot--I mean really put in overtime for me--but could you please do this too? Great. Thanks. I'll have it in about 4 weeks, right?"

Why? Why? Why?

So, God, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't just be OK with not having it. I'm sorry I can't just be thankful for what you've given me. I'm sorry I can't let go of it. I'm just sorry.

I would want so bad to say, "God, I turn my life completely over to you. If you want to never _______________ or ____________, then I know my life will be even better. What ever you will is, I want."

I want to say that. I want to offer my self up to God. I say I do a lot, but every time my selfish human desires get in the way.

So, instead, this is what I think I need to pray:

God,

I love you. You are amazing and way beyond what I deserve. I'm so sorry I'm weak. You know my heart, Lord. You know my needs. My wants. And I know whatever you have planned will work out just right. It'll be even better than I can imagine it. Lord, please help me to understand everything has it's own time. Help me to know you're blessing other areas in my life right now. And the truth is, I get far more rewards from those things than I would from the things you know my heart is longing for.

Please, Lord, take this burden from me. Help me live my life for you and you only. Help me follow you to the very best of my abilities. Take my life, Lord. Take it and use it. Take control before I get in the way again.

I love you,
In Your name,
Amen.

That's what I should pray. The hard part is tomorrow...